I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
