About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The adults are the big ones right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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