dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
