You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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