Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
