It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
