there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
