You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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