Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
