can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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