Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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