please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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