i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
