Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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