i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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