this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There are leaves in my underwear?
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