Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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