I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
