i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
