Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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