That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize