He uses pillows to masturbate.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
