My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
