Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
