You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want