If i come over, it means nothing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.