I got chris browned last night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.