So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Boobs speak an international language.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
