I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
