She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
