So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
