Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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