I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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