I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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