so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
