i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
