Already got asked if we're dating
Just fell off a train. Bad.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
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Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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