this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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