I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
