Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
