I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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