ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
