but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
