this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize