Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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