I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
