her vagine was all disorganized.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
