Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
