my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
