Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Im part way to drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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