4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
