I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
