Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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