people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is Oprah even human
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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