what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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