Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
