Don't make out with my wife yet
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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