i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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