The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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