i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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