3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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