Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
